Wednesday, January 30, 2008

 

If Hardware Were Designed By Women

There would only be MAYBE 3 sizes of anything: small, medium, and large. If you can't do it with one of those 3 sizes, your design is fucked up. And said size would be clearly marked on each piece of hardware in something like red fingernail polish or at least something visible and indelible. It would not be scrathced into the surface of, say, a small drill bit. And speaking of drill bits, who would really need a hole to be 5/32 of an inch rather than 9/64? And who ever thought it was a good idea to go to the degree of sixty-fucking-fourths of an inch? Was your design really that critically scaled? If so, it was over-thought. The more I think about it, 2 sizes would be fine. Small and Large. Whoever came up with the most common screw driver sizes was definitely a woman. I personally think hardware is a conspiricy by men to feel smart in front of women. "Oh, 9/64" is way too big. You need the next size smaller, which is 5/32". [Thinking to himself - damn she must think I am so smart! I did that without a calculator or even an air chalk board.]

And, there is no need to measure something like this: "Ah, that is 4 feet, 6 and 5/16" long." I believe that most people at least secretly think: "4 feet, 6 and a quarter inches plus one line." But, my point being - just keep it to the quarter inch at a minimum. Whole inches would be preferred. No more fractions!

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